After the Ah ha ….
What happens after the ah ha moment, that moment when you figure out why….
Why the pattern? Why do you feel the way you do? What is the wound everyone speaks of? I spoke of mine in “Starving for Scrapsâ€. That was my moment when I understood why I wait. When I began waiting. Why I am and always have been so hungry. Afraid to be lonely…. I realized at the moment that my dad, my hero, was being a hero to everyone else. He was coming home exhausted and depleted and I, and even my mom, wanted more. Waited day after day, night after night for his love, his time, his attention. We knew. I knew deep in my heart if I was good, if I behaved, he would find the time, he would make the time and I would feel good. I would feel loved.
But he didn’t find time. He didn’t share himself with me or mom. He found his meaning and his fulfillment outside, being a hero to others. Getting accolades from strangers, friends, co-workers and anywhere but home.
This isn’t about blame. This is realizing where my pattern began.
I was the kid. I was the one who waited, patiently. I was the one who heard and learned. I survived and even thrived. I thought the secret to time and attention was by proving my worth. Still like a puppy who gets a pat on the head and a scrap from the table when mom isn’t looking, I’d learned to fill the hole with food. The pain would be soothed with something to eat.
From there a whole lot of patterns began. The need to please. The waiting. The hunger that unbeknownst to me was, the eating to change my mind.
I now know the why. I need to know the how. How do I change this pattern? I see it and I understand it, now I have to learn how to change it.
Have you recognized the deep seated wound? The challenge that created or began the pattern? What are the patterns that your ready to look at, perhaps change? How are your patterns holding you back from the full life you deserve? Are you looking for the Ah ha moment that shows you what is holding you back from being you, the you, you were meant to be at your highest potential?
If you’d like some support, perhaps even a starting point or your in the midst of your transition and could use some intuitive in sight. Call me…. I’d be honored to work with you. Help you speed up this transition with some healing and support.
Robin is the founder of Spirit of the Lotus. She is a hands-on healer, medical intuitive, Shaman, Medium and Spiritually Guided Coach as well as being an Advanced Soul Coach(R), Adv. Past Life Coach(R) & Holographic Sound Healer. Spirit of the Lotus is in Columbia CT. Appointments can be made by calling 860-709-3903.
