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Abuse, There Is No Excuse

There is no excuse for abuse.  There is never a good reason for a parent, a family member, a member of the clergy or even an older friend of the family to abuse a child.  I can’t stress that strongly enough and believe me I have tried, again and again.

When I was a kid, perhaps 8 or so, I was convinced by a boy, a teenager, to let him touch me.  He promised I’d get to play more, he’d like me, I believed him.  I was so young, honestly, I had no idea what he was even asking of me.  He had his little brother stand guard, out in the woods.  I knew, it wasn’t okay once it started.  I was afraid.   I didn’t know how to say, NO.  Not enough to over power the convincing argument of the boy I thought was a friend. I was too young to understand. 

What hurt me most…. what I carried with me and still carry with me, is the convincing argument that said if you tell anyone, they will know you’re bad. To this day, I remember being told so well, that I believed it.  I held that event in confidence for almost my entire life.

Each day, I see clients and 8 out of 10 of them have been abused.  All of them, coerced or convinced to believe it was their fault.  They were bad.  The parent wasn’t bad.  The very person who was to be trusted, abused them.

Let me stop here, and say it again.  There is no excuse for abuse.  No good reason.  No child, so badly behaved that they should be physically, mentally, emotionally or sexually abused.  If you’ve been abused, let that sink in….  It is a sickness that allows a person to abuse someone of any age.

An abuser is a predator, practiced and convincing.

I’m not talking about a parent that punishes a child who isn’t listening.  A parent afraid a child will wander too far and get snatched or run over.  I’m talking abuse, there are times when the line here is crossed and punishment looks like a beating. That’s another issue…. that’s an anger issue.

I’m talking to you, the person whose parent or family member sexually abused them.  The person who feels guilt for taking a small pleasure from the attention given, because they craved a parent’s love. The person who lives with believing they did something wrong…. Inappropriate and were convinced they were bad. Perhaps convinced they deserved to be abused.  A predator can be disgustingly cruel and very convincing. 

For me, because I’ve been there, I know how difficult it is.  Holding a secret that’s like acid that tarnishes everything.  A secret that instilled a fear so hateful and yet, so believable.   How can an 8-year-old stand up to someone that truly wants to take advantage of them?  How can a child who wants the acceptance of his or her parent not believe that they’re bad?  They want to be loved, they want to be held, they want approval, they want someone to say, I love you.

How do you heal from abuse?  By now much of the scarring is deep and hidden.  Anger simmers just on the edge of eruption.  Boundaries are non-existent because those you should have been able to trust, took advantage of your innocence.  Sometimes feelings of shame tinge our life.  Trust is difficult, sometimes non-existent.  It can be seen in a posture, a need to please habit and even a complete fear.  Or sometimes its seen as aggression the need to never be taken advantage of again.

However it may be for you, there is peace.  There are happy mediums and boundaries to be learned.  Finding the root of the fear, forgiving ourselves, forgiving our abusers (forgiveness is stopping the inner dialog of torture, self-inflicted, not ever saying the abuser or abuse is ok).  You can admit, find the place that says, yes, I love/d my parent even while knowing accepting the parent was sick.  I had to get to a safe place where I could say, I was not to blame for the sexual abuse, I was too young to understand what I was being asked to do, too innocent to fathom the consequences and too trusting of the boy old enough to know better, old enough to be convincing.

Finding a safe place to talk about abuse is imperative.  Better than just talking about it is doing hands on healing to find where it lives in the body and bring it up and out so that it no longer weighs you down.  Finding the skills to use your voice is Freedom.  Abuse is a form of PTSD and my advanced training in PTSD brings a level of healing not seen for many that have lived thru and with Abuse.  Please, if you’ve been abused or are being abused, get help.  Your life may depend on it.

Robin is the founder of Spirit of the Lotus. She is a hands-on healer, medical intuitive, Shaman, Medium and Spiritually Guided Coach as well as being an Advanced Soul Coach(R), Adv. Past Life Coach(R) & Holographic Sound Healer. Spirit of the Lotus is in Columbia CT. Appointments can be made by calling 860-709-3903.

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Why Wait for a Dark Night?

Why do we wait so long before we reach out to get help?  I’ve heard again and again that we wait until there’s a dark night of the soul.  Until we can’t survive a moment longer without doing something.  Change… yes, it’s inevitable. 

How we change and when we change can be a choice. No, don’t roll your eyes, I know you’ve heard it before.  I know, I’ve been there, and more times than I would like to admit.  Yep, I resonate with the whole wounded healer thing.

I had excuses for the pain.  I really did unload tractor trailer trucks of 50-pound steel drums, stacked above my head, by slamming them into my legs before they landed on the ground.  One week my legs were so bruised and in so much pain that I rolled a kneeling pad into a denim apron to cushion the impact.  I couldn’t stop working, I owned the business.  I couldn’t hire someone, it wasn’t making money, yet.  Even with family help, I broke.  There was a legitimate reason for the pain in my body.  But no matter how many doctors I saw, there was no solution, there was no diagnosis.  I look back now and say, thank God.

Why?  Because the physical pain I felt was the surface work.  The real pain was hidden, emotional, old mixed with new.  Roots that went deep and rarely if ever surfaced.  They were hidden, ignored, buried and even if I’d known I wouldn’t have understood.  Understanding took hindsight and a lot of work.  Yes, it took many dark nights of the soul.

That’s why, when I found a safe place and began to heal, I did everything and wanted more.

There is an understanding in the Shamanic world….. we do the work, the heavy healing, the really deep dredging and unearthing of the pain and trauma, so that our clients, years later in our practice can think, “That’s easy”.  Yes, every once in a while, I’m working with a client and they have such a breakthrough with a simple treatment and I think to myself…. “Wow, I wish mine had been so easy.”  Then I think again and in hindsight I see my journey of learning.

So, again, I ask “Why wait for a dark night of the soul?”.  Are you in pain?  Are you frustrated with your life? Perhaps merely satisfied and not excited, wondering, is this all there is?  Am I meant to do or be more?  Are you getting nudged and just don’t know what it all means?

I’d love to sit down with you.  Perhaps all you need is a little spiritual guidance, or an illumination to see your world a little clearer.  I have regular office hours for one on one sessions and I’m always happy to take a moment to chat on the phone to see if the fits right.  Reach out before the dark night or after it, if you’re in pain, confused, frustrated, I can help.  To make an appointment call Robin 860-709-3903.

Robin is the founder of Spirit of the Lotus. She is a hands-on healer, medical intuitive, Shaman, Medium and Spiritually Guided Coach as well as being an Advanced Soul Coach(R), Adv. Past Life Coach(R) & Holographic Sound Healer. Spirit of the Lotus is in Columbia CT.  Appointments can be made by calling 860-709-3903.

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Who Do You Want To Be?

Are you living the life you dreamed of? Are you allowing yourself to be the best version of yourself, you can be? Truly?  Or are you being the version of yourself that seems to please those around you?  Loved ones, friends, co-workers? Assuming you can even tell what, they want you to be or how they want you to act.  Do they even know?  Do they know that if they truly wanted what was best for you, it would be best for them as well?

I know, it sounds like I’m talking around in circles, but what I know, for sure, is that when I allow myself to be open and honest, I am happier.  I find myself allowing those around me to be their best version of themselves as well.

We all had the conversation at some point with parents wanting us to be the proverbial doctor, lawyer or some such genius. Go to school, go to college, be all you can be, right?  But, what did you want? Did you want to back pack across Europe, go to Art School, become a greeter at Walmart?  And our friends, loved ones, did they want you to be you or the version of the fantasy?

I remember the conversation, “you seem so miserable, so unhappy, why do you want to stay in a relationship that makes you so unhappy?”  The reply was, “that’s your opinion”.  True, it was my opinion.  It was the opinion I came to after years of hearing complaints, being told I was wrong, I was too bold, too quiet, too successful, to loud, etc., etc.  The real questions are: 

  • Do you know who you are?  Truly? 
  • Who do you want to be? 
  • What do you want to do?

I’ve been there.  Are you there now?  Would you like someone to talk to, to help you thru the transition and perhaps clean up and clear out the perpetual people pleaser that is no longer working for you but has truly become your go to reality? 

Even more concerning to me, are you living a life that’s abusive?  Are you being verbally and emotionally abused?  Were you abused as a child and find yourself drawn to or attracting the same type of relationship, perhaps so much so that you begin believing there is something wrong with you?

Rant alert….No one ever deserves to be abused.  There is no reason, no cause great enough, or worry some enough to make abuse okay.  None what so ever.

If your life seems to be a revolving door of the same thing again and again, let’s get to the root, the one thing that needs to be unearthed, honored, explored, dissolved and released.  There is a root cause.  There’s something deep, missing and it’s trying to be healed.  Once its healed you will feel amazing.  You will feel free.  And, best thing, you will never attract that type of person or situation again.

Yep, I hear the indignation from the one of you that is screaming, angry and saying…..I didn’t attract them.  You can’t blame me.  To that I say, the universe is a spectacular thing, it knows what you came here to learn, to clear, to be a part of in your journey.  Until you get it, clear it and are able to move on, the whole world is your stage and the universe is the director, everyone in your life is playing their part magnificently.  Once its cleared, everything shifts.  The world, it looks different, feels different, everyone goes their own way and you……your journey, begins another phase.

Who do you want to be? It would be an honor to speed up this process for you.   Are you ready?  Call me, I can help.

Robin is the founder of Spirit of the Lotus. She is a hands-on healer, medical intuitive, Shaman, Medium and Spiritually Guided Coach as well as being an Advanced Soul Coach(R), Adv. Past Life Coach(R) & Holographic Sound Healer. Spirit of the Lotus is in Columbia CT.  Appointments can be made by calling 860-709-3903.

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The Courage to Allow Our Voice.

The very act of allowing my voice took and continues to take courage. It’s been a journey for me, that has brought me to a whole new way of being. I always thought I was bold and outspoken. I am in business, but I really had to step out of my comfort zone. Many of my friends and acquaintances will snort and have quite a laugh at this because they may not see this part of me and if I played my part well, they wouldn’t know.
How many ways do we play our parts? How many ways do we play small?
I fondly remember being very young and having had my license for perhaps a year or two, singing at the top of my voice with my girlfriend Sue, laughing and enjoying the freedom of our singing, sometimes, just yelling at the top of our lungs to release our tension, anger and disappointment. Later I remember singing in the car with my Son Justin as a baby, then every other weekend going to Sea Cadet’s, Justin and his friend Nick. I not so fondly remember starting to sing in the car with my now ex who, without qualm, told me to stop, my voice sucked and hurt his ears. I did stop, my pleasure drained, and the worst part was, I believed him, for a very long time.
Several years ago, I expanded my meditation practice. I dedicated an hour or so to journaling, then meditating. At times I found myself needing to cry, sometimes wale. I was home and alone, so, I was free to allow. With time I began to chant, OM, and sing. It was freeing and sometimes funny. Then I took a Channeling Class at Ms. Martha’s and learned the incredible feeling of unconditional love from channeling.
This feeling and safe circle allowed me to us my voice. My channeling came in with laughter, rip roaring, pee your pants laughter, sometimes so much laughter that the entire room would begin to laugh. At first, I felt embarrassment, not from those around me, but from my own internal judgement. “Will they think I’m crazy?” “What will they think?” “Everyone else, begins to channel calmly without laughter or effort, why can’t I be normal?” It really didn’t matter because my own thoughts were insecure enough. But, I kept at it, and the group encouraged me and asked me to continue so, I did. I loved it and to this day, channeling is one of my favorite things to do.
I look back now and think, what came first? Were the sounds that came during meditation the opening? Did the channeling encourage me to continue to develop my sound healing, singing, toning?
Then I took a class called, Holographic Sound Healing by Paul Hubbard where I was encouraged again to use my voice and crystal bowls, this time for sound healing, shifting frequencies in the body. It was so much fun and extremely effective.
As I got more and more courage to share my voice, my sound, I began to share at my healing circles. The interesting part is that not all the sounds are pleasant, and at times there is a sound that my voice can’t quite reach, but every time, it is what I am guided by spirit to reach for the client or friend.
This journey has been fun, although sometimes quite overwhelming. I have friends who encourage me, and people who try to calm me down. I have to admit, in the beginning, I’d begin to chant, close my eyes and wonder, how many people will still be there when I open them again. I really have to laugh, because every time I feel the need to chant and sing so deeply, it pushes past the fear and self-consciousness, and every time I am amazed when people say they truly enjoyed it, or the tears I see in their eyes is from an internal shift, a healing of something quite deep.
I tell you all this not as a way to toot my own horn, but, to encourage you as well. My Monday Night Healing Circle is now as much about sound as Reiki & other healing modalities, and messages and practice. I want to encourage as many people as I can to reach deep in the depths of their being and allow their voice. Speak your truth. Live life to the fullest, truly.
By the way, several years after that “don’t sing” incident, my ex heard me sing and commented favorably on it. I got up the guts to ask, “why did you so hatefully tell me my voice sucked?” and he said, “you know when you feel really bad? And someone near you is really happy?” I said, Yes. He said, “I just couldn’t bear to see you so happy when I was so unhappy.” I thought to myself, damn, I took it to heart and stopped singing anywhere and everywhere someone might hear. What a shame.
My questions to you are:
How can you use your voice even more?
How are you playing small?
If you were courageous, what would you do?

Be well, Hugs
Robin

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Emotions and How They Effect Our Day to Day Behavior

How do our emotions effect our day to day lives? As I am typing I am remembering how I felt this morning as I woke from my sleep. The sleep that is supposed to refresh, heal and provide learning in our dream state. This morning I woke with my head in so much pain that I could not function, barely open my eyes. I remained in bed for a while with no success of feeling better. I got up, I drank water, I did everything I could think to reduce the pain. I then called in sick, got on my treatment table with the Bio-Mat cranked up, slept for 2.5 hours and woke again, thinking oh, that helped, until I moved.

I reached out for distance healing help. That helped some, but not a lot. I began to blame my added vegetable in take from my new health regiment. I blamed my lack of coffee.

I began a conversation with a friend, who mentioned letting go of some current emotional issues…..and I began to cry. Not the first time, I had this little melt down a few days ago and I thought…then, that cry was enough. But, honestly, I quickly changed the subject and allowed my mind the gift of changing my thoughts, changing my mind to a more positive subject. In effect, burying my thoughts to avoid them.

Isn’t that what we are taught? “Stop crying, or I will give you something to cry about.” “Please don’t cry” or “Why are you getting so emotional?” even, “just think of something positive, don’t focus on the negative.” All of those add to our need to stuff the negative emotions and pretend we are strong. Pretend we are not truly effected by them.

What are the many ways that we “Change our Mind”? My personal favorite is food, even coffee, or work, even being strong for someone else works for me at times.

But, in the last few years I have found it more and more difficult to hold my emotions in check. I find my addictions of choice to work only just so much. I now look at the bag of chips and some times think…..okay, what’s triggering you now? What am I trying to avoid? What am I thinking that “feels bad or wrong”? Other times I just inhale the chips and totally allow myself to do what I do, my habit, my way of coping.

Please know, I am not saying we should be lost in our melancholy, our negative thoughts to the detriment of our ability to live freely and gracefully. I’m speaking in terms of just avoiding all negative thought and completely stuffing our emotions. This “stuffing” can virtually disable living freely and gracefully as well. Extremes are never healthy.

But, what if little by little we learn to allow our thoughts freedom to be witnessed, rather than dis-regarded?

Who can you trust, if you can not trust your own thoughts and feelings?

Funny, I actually find myself struggling with this one. Most of my life I have looked to others for their sage advise. I have looked to Bankers, Investors, Doctors, Lawyers, as being “smarter”, they are the “experts”, are they not? I can tell you now that rarely are they as smart as “my gut” feels. But, it took me most, if not all of my life to understand and admit that, okay, I still struggle with it….

I am so grateful that I have a circle of healers, many helped me begin my journey of healing and learning to help others heal. They also do hands on healing, along with subconscious communication which allows me to peel back the layers of emotions, truths, buried beneath layers of coping skills, addictions and pretending. Each day it becomes easier and easier to see who I am, truly, to become more of who I am, honestly and I pray with grace. If each day I can admit to myself and to those around me what I want for myself, even admitting that I can and will make choices that may be more around other peoples approval than my true goals, than each day I know it will get easier.

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Channeling

I found this lovely definition online: Channeling is a natural form of communication between humans and angelic beings, nature spirits, non-physical entities, or even animals and pets. A channeler is very similar to a language translator or interpreter. They allow themselves to sense the non-verbal communication from another being and then translate it into human words.

Channelers, are sometimes thought of as psychic mediums, receiving messages from “spirit guides,” friendly spirits who give them knowledge and help them on their spiritual journeys. Channeling is the belief that a person’s body is being shared by spirit for the purpose of imparting wisdom. It’s been my experience that messages being given by good channels are always up lifting, encouraging, loving and compassionate. Spirit, high level Spirit Guides will never feel heavy or bring fear. If you ever receive a channeled message that demands, accuses or feels heavy, that message is being given thru a person who’s filter is still heavy with fear and their own issues.

I have a wonderful circle of Spiritually Enlightened friends that love to learn and teach. They and now I as well, take joy in creating a sacred, safe place to learn, to ask, to teach and to figure out just how big our world really is. Miracles are only miracles until they become common place.

The first time I was able to channel, allow spirit to show me their energy, when they let me feel their presence, it was almost overwhelming….the amount of love that they emanate is incredible. I thought I knew what unconditional love felt like, but, I was wrong. The love I felt was so light and created such joy within me I can not find the words to adequately describe it. To some its so beautiful it brings tears of joy.

If you’d like to join us for a channeling session, or if you have questions, please feel free to call me. Robin 860-709-3903

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7 Raven’s a Hawk and a Cardinal

7 Raven’s, a Hawk and a Cardinal, sounds like the start of a bad joke doesn’t it. Well as I sat deep in meditation Sunday morning, I was brought out by such a racket. All seven of the local raven’s were creating such a stir, a racket so loud that I had to get up and see what was disturbing them so much. As I watched, they appeared to be having fun, no cat in sight….. Then a beautiful Red Shouldered Hawk glided in and sat right in the middle of the 7. They continued for a moment, then all sat, quietly, looked my way, as if to say….yep, go get your binoculars, there is something to see here. I did. I spent moments in complete awe of such beautiful birds, so large, looking soft, then, a streak of red. I followed the direction it took me and saw the most brilliantly colored Cardinal, almost orange it was so bright. What a gift. I finished my meditation while watching these incredible birds.

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Hello world!

I am so excited to sit down today and write, it’s been awhile. My life, it’s still a little chaotic. January 5th I celebrated the sale of my industrial equipment company, the last of the finishing touches to my divorce. This transition hasn’t been easy. But, it has given me an opportunity to figure out who I am, what I want my life to be in this world that is so big.

I began, with a good life, by all intent and purpose, most say I am crazy to have left it. The gaul to want more. Yes, my life looked great, an amazing son, one any mother would be proud of, a successful business, a beautiful home, 30 years of marriage. It was good, but somewhere deep within I wanted extraordinary. I wanted more than success, I wanted to wake up every morning with the passion to live, fully, sensually, honestly.

I wanted to speak my truth. Use my voice in a positive manner. I was creating my healing practice as part time business, trying to maintain both. I continue for a short while still, to manage both, but my heart is with Spirit of the Lotus. As the lotus struggles out of the mud reaching for the sun….so too am I struggling to create the business that houses my true passion. As a Hands on Healer and Shaman, my intuition and ability to Channel has created a healing practice that is deep, fulfilling and sometimes even comical. The laughter is a gift, some don’t quite understand, but a gift no less.

I recently took a personal mastery class with Colette Baron-Reid, using her Wisdom of the Oracle, oracle card deck for deeper learning. Her card #14 Truth Be Told, which states “There is The Truth, which is the essence of a thing and there is a TRUTH, subjective according to the philosophy of the adherent or believer.”  I believe that.  Even in our intuition, or as a medium, our messages come thru the filter of our experiences, until, that is, that we are able to step aside, and read without influence.  My truth is based on my experience.  My triggers, by my beliefs and judgements.

My truth is, I love money, I appreciate my home, it felt good being successful, but deeper yet…. I love being of service.  I love helping a 14 year old states away, healing a women in Canada while I’m in Connecticut, I’m humbled by the person who comes in with a diagnosis and leaves with a smile, I’m even more humbled by the client that heals and make the conscious decision to move to another realm, one we may never comprehend.  Working with people makes my heart sing…  I know that abundance shows up and looks different for each and every one of us.

My truth was tempered by my programming.  My truth was modulated by my wish to be loved, even liked and by fear.

How do you speak your truth?  What truth are you reaching for? Hiding?

Hugs

 

If you are in transition, afraid to take a leap, if your faith needs a little bolster, or perhaps a Past Life Regression will help you understand a deep seated fear or longing.  Call me and set up an appointment.  I may be able to help in person or distance.

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