I notice that people in general are extremely aware of everything they do not like, from how to fold the laundry to how we raise our children. It seems we are so focused on what we want made better, that we forget to notice all the things that make our lives amazing. We pick one thing as proof of lack and the focus becomes laser accurate, the grade to our happiness.
The problem with proving our lack or inaccuracy of thought is being in a space of inadequacy. However, rather than perpetuate growth and learning, it pushes us away. Like the parent who’s child gets a B in a difficult class, the parent, rather than congratulating, scolds the child for the lack of an A. How does that child feel? Encouraged? Or Shamed?
Why do so many believe that a relationship can get even better if we constantly point out each others faults? Constantly demanding the other meld to a required behavior rather than appreciating the effort?
Pointing out someone’s faults creates an energy that is weak and debilitating. Appreciation of our strengths and verbally acknowledging our courage enhances our energy and creates room for expansion.
Relationships can be enhanced with the continued learning of communication skills. For example my favorite is: I feel ….. when I hear …. rather than the common, You make me…. . or I feel ….. when I see this behavior…… and then there is a mirroring back of the words so that the person knows you’ve actually heard what they’ve said. Accusations put the accused into a space of needing to justify, prove or flee. If there is a behavior that you really want to see, I’d encourage a kindly worded suggestion with clear instruction. Then when your request is taken and used a healthy dose of gratitude will only encourage this to continue.
We all have habits and ways of living that we’ve had our entire life. Some learned from the homes of our youth, others found as we grew. Some of our current habits are even those that we began in rebellion of the strict requirements of our youth. Many we do without thought and a suggestion to make our tasks easier is welcome. A demand with degrading comment of slovenly behavior, not so much….
One of the greatest exercises I was tasked to take, was of daily gratitude. Then more specifically, to find specific things, ways, habits, behaviors that I appreciated in a friend or family member. This, I admit, was not as easy as I thought it should be. I too, was and sometimes continue to be focused on what I don’t like rather than what I do like. Shifting to a higher vibration, a higher consciousness does the heart and relationship good….
Think about it, will you?
Robin is the founder of Spirit of the Lotus. She is a hands on healer, medical intuitive, Shaman, Medium and Spiritually Guided Coach as well as being an Advanced Soul Coach(R), Adv. Past Life Coach(R) & Holographic Sound Healer.